Hi. In other words, at a certain point, there is only so much that you can do and say. In the evenings I am now telling him I am praying and if he wants to join me and he is joining me. I know what it says in the Bible about the husband being the head and that a husband and wife are as one, but I am here to tell you that it is okay to go to church without your spouse, or a church that is different from your spouse’s church. At that point, you will have to activate your faith and believe God to draw your spouse unto Him. By following his his wife on such an important spiritual decision, it almost seems like he's abdicating his leadership role before the marriage even began. 178 responses to “If you go to church without your spouse, how do you deal with unmet expectations?”. I have a terrible fear of being the mom in church with two plus kids while her husband is nowhere in sight. A fourth problem is Marital Strife. In my husband’s family, his parents chose to raise him Catholic; however, he attended church only with his mother, 75 percent of the time. Answer. faith as she grows. Working by deceitful means, Haman persuaded the king to issue a proclamation declaring that all the Jews in the Persian Empire should be put to death on a certain day. But his Italian mother would have a fit!" Learn about how we should treat our spouses according to the word of the Bible and Jesus . proper perspective in my life, I think I'm a better wife, and I know I'm happier My husband wants me to go to cult church. “One Sunday morning I realized that my six-year- old had never been to church or Sunday school,” she said. There are several scriptures that must be considered. I'd like to encourage you to take that Find Christian based information on situations that arise in any relationship between husband and wife. Carol May your Christmas be blessed, filled with His presence! But sometimes your guy might be resistant to your efforts. For many, it’s passed down generationally. Biblical submission does not mean a wife has to accept her husband’s sin and she can’t say anything about it. it does say that women should keep silent in the church, but this isn't to say that women shouldn't have a voice in the church, because god made us equal. God is everywhere, why does someone need to be in a building where half of the people don’t have a real faith anyway. Going to church for me was a start, and at least then there was some feeding of his faith occurring and God could use this to continue to grow my husbands faith and understanding of his faith. The word says that as the unbeliever accepts the believers faith he will be be sanctified through the believer so it is awkward not having a spouse with me at church; but as a child of God I can’t let anything ever separate me from the love of God. What's been keeping you away from church? I ask once, and accept whatever excuse he has, from I need to catch up on my sleep, I have work that just can’t wait, etc. Answer: A husband and a wife attending separate churches is a situation that is more common than one might think. This is a simple question posed, for a very important reason. Women are becoming more decisive about not neglecting their own needs. "But I know that if I insist on going, I knew when I met him that he was a believer in Christ and that most of our Christian values aligned. In so doing, a godly wife can even win her unbelieving husband to the Lord “without words” simply by her holy behavior (1 Peter 3:1). The general answer to your question is, “No, the wife should attend church together with her husband.” However, there are some exceptions. To rob her of a knowledge of God would be even worse than "Since I've gotten Jesus into What wife wouldn’t! When it comes to husband/wife relations, many people in the church believe there are only two potential choices: either a woman obeys her husband’s every wish or she dishonors him and is guilty of sin. We need to let God deal with His children and get out of the way. My husband told me, “My dad feels church is a hoax. As an Amazon Associate we (Marriage Missions) earn fees from qualifying purchases. Male ego, I call it." Lastly, if the husband is meant to be the spiritual leader but he follows his wife into her church community, I can't help but think this sets a bad precedence for future decisions. I have stopped inviting him because each time I do I keep getting the same answer “no” or “my time has not yet come”. Inthis chapter he is not dealing with the problem of a believing wife who is married to anunbelieving husband (such as he deals with in 1 Peter 3:1). But there are a number of good reasons why women are beginning to show up at "I really want our whole family involved This is an example of what is called a false dichotomy: presenting two … I kindly ask him each week, but don’t nag. "One This is rebellion on the part of the wife. That’s why … For example, if he tells his wife that she should not attend the morning worship service at the local Bible-believing church, she should obey him and fulfill her husband's wishes. And it's been wonderful. But I know my God will come through! “My husband is a womaniser, he sleeps with church members,’’ a 49-year-old evangelist, Chinwe Ekwe, told an Igando Customary Court on Monday in Lagos. should have done this years ago!". To rob her of a knowledge of God would be even worse than robbing her of the ability to learn to read.” Dyann and her daughter, Lisa, have been attending church ever since. Many of my friends tell me I should be happy with that. “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives” (1 Peter 3:1) alongside other adults without distraction. Every marriage, including your pastor’s will struggle, even greatly struggle at some point. responsible to help her learn about Jesus so she'll be able to develop her own And communicate how you would love to have a shared commitment to faith. Sure, they love God – but in their hearts, there’s a huge disconnect between God and their church. Because when you’ve exhausted all your options and handed it to God, that’s when you realize He has been at work all along. The text was a simple, “What a pretty dress, you look beautiful today.” This compliment brought something alive in her she hadn’t experienced in a long time. So how I deal with disappoint in my marriage concerning my husband not going to church and not walking with me in Christ? I know however, that God is a powerful God and nothing is impossible with God. within myself! I know I need to set my hopes and dreams aside however, and let God do his work in his way and in his time. I am working on wanting a marriage where arguments are fair and not one sided. And now, the 96-year-old father of 10, has a new title: great-great-grandfather. Too many women go to church without their husbands. When my husband and I met, I was not a faithful church goer. Often it isn't until some crisis strikes that they will look What should I do? This is what one wife is dealing with in her marriage. able to agree about religion. in church," says a wife we'll call Mary*. He brings up God and his faith- walk more and more and shares with me how he feels so much less stress in stressful work situations than he used to when he prays about it. Besides the refreshing my We often Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. I’m not saying I still don’t have those … Give your relationship priority. All three of her children walk with the Lord as a result. I have asked God to change me; I asked to be changed for God to renew a right spirit in me and strengthened me and I also pray for my husband’s salvation and I notice I am no longer angry that my husband is not coming to church with us. According to the bible, a wife should submit to her husband just as she would submit to Christ. Carol found that life smoothed out for her. Women choose to stay at home with their husbands for a number of good reasons. We can’t expect to be the same person we were in our 20’s, and we don’t really think our spouses will go unchanged either. Give your relationship priority. I think Thousands of wives stay home year after year found that life smoothed out for her. I have been standing and praying for almost 25 years now. went. "Jim has to work every other Her husband, Ahasuerus, King of Persia, wasn’t guilty of any personal animosity towards God’s people, but he was dangerously misled by the wicked nobleman Haman. I am working on a closer relationship with God. THIS post last week (10 Things Men Should Consider About Their Wife) received a lot of attention in regards to facts that men should consider about their wives…and so this week I wanted to write about seven facts that a wife should consider about her husband.#1 – As a wife you should never, I MEAN EVER, underestimate the power of your words in regards to how you speak to your husband. I want both of us to be comfortable at a church, and I want us to be a united front in our faith for our future children’s sake. been attending for three or four months. Repent for hastily reacting…forgive, go back. On a happy note, I have seen growth in my husband’s faith since I met him. There is never a time when the believing wife should disobey her husband, even if that husband is an unbeliever. However, even then the perspective should not be finding a new husband or wife, but reconciliation. My husband and I have been married for two years, and dated for two years prior to marriage. But for the The fruit of her labors. But if we do approach our husbands – it must be in a spirit of great humility, respect, prayer and the love of the Spirit of Christ. He said: He should not give her permission to go out to Christian festivals or churches. It is important to realize that here in Ephesians chapter 5 Paul is presenting theideal of Christian marriage, that is Christian marriage as God intended it to be. The reason we pose it is because so many spouses are in the position of going to church without their spouse. Question of the Month Spiritual Matters Unbelieving Spouse. I go to church alone because I need to be in church, praying and being around fellow Christians who love me, guide me and uplift me. I think in my mind it was my way of telling him, this is what you get with me and it is not changing because my faith, my God, and church are a very important part of my life. robbing her of the ability to learn to read." Also, most unsaved husbands will not object to families attending church without him. Or for a husband … I have stopped trying to make him come to church with us (my children and I). To the woman whose husband doesn’t go to church with her (anymore), This one has its own special kind of sting. God is restoring my marriage but still he wants what he wants to do because I always do things my way. "Whenever I talk about going to church," she "I know I can't give her my faith, but I am I don’t nag, I don’t ask again, but rather I go by myself. A wife has to submit to her husband in all cases except where it violates the higher authority of God. A sense of responsibility for her children's faith is what motivated Dyann. Perhaps the first is Strategy. Thank you for sharing I have been praying for my husband for 25yrs now. to church every Sunday that we didn't have something else planned," she says. If a husband and wife attend different churches, it must be that 1) one of the churches is not a Bible-believing church and one of them does not want to go there for that reason, or 2) one (or both) of them does not … I want to grow in my walk with God. I bet you can guess the rest. hasn't gone to church--with or without her preschool children--since she has He doesn't object to my faith," she says. What a delight to read it! In being true to yourself, explain to your spouse why your faith is important to … Submission should be a natural response to loving leadership. It’s simply not true. During the worship service, children Lisa's there aren't any verses in the bible that read that a husband and wife should go to church together. I know there is growth, and I know that he loves God and knows Jesus as his savior. "I just think he resents me We’re told to expect changes as our marriages grow in years. All rights reserved. "While I was trying to cope with my own been attending church ever since. This, as well as the puppy love stage I was in (and honestly still am in if I’m being 100 percent honest), caused me to overlook some differences that now are forcing me to let go and let God take the lead, because I cannot carry the burden on myself anymore. Leave an open invitation to her to go to church with you and then YOU go with the kids and leave it at that. doing something he doesn't want to do--maybe part of the struggle over who has Likewise, express your desire for a united family. Women are becoming more decisive about not neglecting their own needs. When we were dating I was probably a little too intense about imposing my faith beliefs on him, and telling him this is what I believe and this is what I think is important. It seems where we could grow together, we seem to be growing apart. Her husband, Ahasuerus, King of Persia, wasn’t guilty of any personal animosity towards God’s people, but he was dangerously misled by the wicked nobleman Haman. He was raised Catholic though his parents seldom experiences. "He came to the Easter service with me, and has been coming most Sunday's Let’s be honest…I was not a faithful follower of Jesus. No one could take that step for me," she adds. E-mail Bible Study If the unsaved husband resists the wife and children attending church then much prayer and thought should be given to finding the reasons for his resistance. immobilized. I know of numerous Baptist pastors who teach that a wife should go to church, even if her husband says "no." My husband is coming to kneel down with me as I pray and I hold his hand. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. Not only will it help them grow closer to each other and to God, but it will help their children learn about Jesus. you'll be happy you did. “Allow yourself to set aside your loneliness and pain and truly look around you. Let Go and Let God. He is setting forth what a marriagereally ought to be, as the husband pictures Christ and as the wife pictures the church. for myself.". The fruit of her labors. We talk about our faith sometimes, and I have even gone as far as to ask him where he would like to go to church, and have talked to my pastor at my current church letting him know that I may not be in attendance as frequently as my husband and I try to find a good fit for both of us (trust me that conversation took a lot of courage to have and was uncomfortable at times). (The pre-Christian European…, Please ask the Lord to reconcile me and my wife Kate, to open her heart to me, forgiving the past…, How God Uses This Ministry to Help Marriages, What Cindy Wright Has Learned About Marriage, What Steve Wright Has Learned About Marriage, Aligning Vacation Expectations Together With Your Spouse, Praying for Your Beloved Unbelieving Spouse, Your Everyday Influence with Your Unbelieving Spouse. Additionally, here is a link to an article that will lead you to even more advice that you may find to be helpful. And don’t lose hope when it seems like nothing is happening. resources, things got pretty rocky," she said. Although my wife and I came from different denominations, we happily attended the same church in our small community. By following his his wife on such an important spiritual decision, it almost seems like he's abdicating his leadership role before the marriage even began. Praise be to Allah. In my family’s instance, my parents became a united front and my mom converted to Lutheranism and she has always said it was one of the best decisions she made in her entire life. President Nelson just became a great-great-grandfather. So Connie My spiritual mismatched allowed me to see many others who don’t fit in. Sunday morning I realized that my six-year- old had never been to church or I told my husband I will go with him to ‘his’ church, but he still refuses. Learn about how we should treat our spouses according to the word of the Bible and Jesus . 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